I’m Mediocre At Best
I was going to title this “I’m a lazy no good failure” but decided that was a bit more self-abusive than I need to be. I read a lot and hear a lot about success and failure. The theme is usually something along the lines of success being tied to how much one works, how hard one works and how much money, in turn, one makes. I read a lot about focus and drive and motivation and purpose and competitive spirit. When I look at myself, I have none of those qualities and if measuring success in how much and hard one works and how much one makes, I am one big heap of a failure.
For the purposes of this post, I am going to say I don’t work. I know, I am a stay at home mom and I do actually work at that, but I don’t have a day to day job, I don’t work from home, I don’t have 85 additional streams of income in my life to prove myself worthy to the world. I just stay home with my kids. I make no money. I should, by all means, consider myself a failure. I don’t strive for much more than what I have today. I don’t long for millions of dollars in the bank. I don’t perpetually think my life will be fulfilled and better and happier if I just had more money, things, and status.
All assessments by our friends and family, hubby and I are underachievers and failures. Hubby has abouat 98% of a computer science degree and works on a golf course in maintenance. We don’t own businesses and we don’t have all sorts of income from ventures outside of that. Just his work and me at home.
I suppose I should feel like a failure for not fulfilling my life potential, for not wanting a 6 figure job, or for not keeping up with everything around me. I mean, so many people around us think that of us, so I guess we should think that too. How dare we actually feel content and happy? We should make more money, spend more hours at work, and in the end be miserable but have money - the definition of success.
I don’t do anything excellently. I am, in all I do, mediocre. I am a mediocre mom - I let my kids eat cookies and they don’t go to bed at the same time every night. I am a mediocre friend - I forget birthdays all the time because I am too lazy and scatterbrained to maintain a calendar. I am in mediocre health because I am too lazy to exercise everyday and I like candy. Even the things I really enjoy, I don’t excel at. I love writing but I’ll never be great at it. I ramble too much. I love decorating. Still mediocre. My home will never be in a magazine. My kids will get looked at sideways in stores. I will never be filthy rich.
I have found myself much more sentimental and emotional the past couple of months. I spend A LOT of time thinking about all the beautiful wonderful things around me and appreciating them. Somedays, though, I feel like I am living in an alternate universe. That I should be thinking more about accumulating wealth or spending my hours brainstorming ways to make money. Because I like money. I really like money. And sometimes that conflict paralyzes me. I enjoy what I am and what I have today and I almost feel like striving for more is being a traitor to my love of simplicity. Maybe I don’t trust myself that I can actually make more, do more, and still live simply. Maybe I am afraid of finding out that I do adore huge houses and new cars and spending money like it grows on trees. Having what we have today and not adding to that allows me to just stay cozy in my little minimalist, lazy, underachieving world.
Oh Emily, I feel mediocre all the time. And in some ways most of us are average. But that’s ok, because we all also have some special talents.
You have a gift for remodeling and decorating houses. I really suck at that kind of thing. Your house may not be a magazine house, but the only one I’ve ever seen like that was cold. They made you take off your shoes and there was no laughing and playing and no sticky happy kids in that house.
Your blog is pleasant and fun to read even if it’s not problogger.net or TSD. I wouldn’t be surprised if some people prefer your blog to those monster blogs.
I just hope that you feel fulfilled about some things in life. You’ll never be perfect at all of them and probably mediocre at most. But I will be too, as well we all.
It sounds like you are a fabulous wife and mother…the kind where relationships come before all the other stuff that gets in the way. I wouldn’t call that mediocre at all.
I guess maybe I’m came off whinier than I intended. In fact, I didn’t intend to sound whiny AT ALL but upon rereading it, I sure do.
I guess it just comes down to 2 things. 1. I feel happy and fulfilled and successful although to the outside world, I am not successful nor should I be happy. and 2. I need to get over my fear of making and having money and trust in myself that I can still stay true to my values and beliefs.
Thank you both for your feedback!
It comes down to Are you happy?
Ana I honestly think you are.
You are a good person, and you are working constantly to get better.
I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Being a wife, mother, and homemaker is not for the faint hearted!
If you’re fulfilled doing what you are now, that’s fantastic! Enjoy it!
Don’t listen to the outside world. Who says everyone in the outside world is happy and has it all together anyway?
I’ve always wanted to be really good at just one thing. And I guess it’s not too late for that, it’s just frustrating that I haven’t achieved it.
I feel, that as a stay at home mom, it’s very hard to feel successful. There’s not real cut and dry way to measure my success in that “job” on a day to day basis, and that can make me feel like I’m maybe not doing my best.
I think that too often people get caught up in how things will be better when there’s more money coming in, when they have a house that’s bigger, when they can take cool trips. I think it’s admirable that you don’t seem to have fallen into that trap! You’re content with what you have and where you are in life and that’s wonderful.
“I’ve always wanted to be really good at just one thing. And I guess it’s not too late for that, it’s just frustrating that I haven’t achieved it.” - Alison, I couldn’t have said it better. Instead of beating myself up over it though I have to just figure I haven’t found that one great thing yet. And it’s so true that it’s hard to feel successful in the current job of SAHM.
Thanks for your comments, everyone, they’ve helped me think more about all of this stuff swirling around in my brain.
I have visited this site on many an occasion now but this post is the 1st one that I have ever commented on.
Congratulations on such a fine article and site I have found it very helpful and informative - I only wish that there were more out there like this one.
I never leave empty handed, sometimes I may even be a little disappointed that I may not agree with a post or reply that has been made. But hey! that is life and if every one agreed on the same thing what a boring old world we would live in.
Keep up the good work and cheers.
My wife has sometimes commented like what you are posting about.
I remind her of the Bhagavad Gita which says, “Mother, Father, Teacher, God”.
So long as your children jump into your arms and smile the way they do, you are doing an excellent job as a mother at least.
That makes you one of the more successful people around. Take it easy and don’t be so hard on yourself.
Oh my gosh, I know exactly what you are talking about. My husband works at a “lowly” job at Target (so my parents imply), and I have a good “solid” job that I don’t really want to be doing–I’d rather be at home having babies. They make him feel bad because he doesn’t have a college degree (he tried, could only complete 1 1/2 semesters because of his full-time job) and he is working in retail. He’s not *thrilled* with his job, but he knows it isn’t risky and it is making him income, and he works hard every day. I love how people (mostly family) make you feel bad if you and your man aren’t “pulling in the big bucks” or striving for the highest paying, glamorous job. It is really insulting! We just want to be happy and simple, but I guess that’s not enough in today’s world…
I don’t think anyone is mediocre. You sound like me. You aren’t passionate about ONE GIANT thing, but you enjoy this and that and are satisfied with being that way.
I admire someone that says, “NO!” to the traditional American way of life. People will respect you more for it than if you were busting your hump to make meaningless amounts of $$$. Keep going, girlfriend.
Thank you. That pressure to do something more than mediocre is really tough; much more so than looking around other people you know who are impressive and you’re not so much, and who know impressive people and, well, you’ve stopped meeting them. But when parents think you’re hitched to partner whom they think is loser (often using nicer language), it’s like saying that you could have “done better” and, most importantly, that you SHOULD have “done better.”
A good friend of mine, who is an incredibly intelligent, charismatic, and sincere person said that the amazing thing about me–about us as a friends–is that we can just talk about stuff. In the context of our conversation, it meant lots of things including talking about being mediocre, feeling that we should be dissatisfied, etc. I don’t know if he’s right or wrong about that, but it’s something to think about.
I know very few people who feel that they excel at anything, even if they are thought by others to excel. I think that no matter where we are in life, we must always face the possibility that someone could always do better or worse than we have. Michael Phelps, in truth, has competed only against the tiniest fraction of all possible swimmers on earth. For all we know, he is in fact a merely competent swimmer, not really that remarkable at all.
I wonder whether it isn’t circumstances that dictate whether we are truly mediocre–and I’m not talking about what others presume to be mediocrity, but that mediocrity you encounter when you order a dish at a really fancy restaurant and it comes out as something you could have gotten at an upscale family restaurant, that is, not bad but still far short of the mark expected.
On the one hand, I am mediocre because, given my opportunities, I have not performed remarkably. On the other hand, I really enjoy sitting out on the roof on a sunny afternoon, drinking beer, and watch my pasty belly slowly expand. And for an instant, I feel that I’m finally in on the joke that I know my own mediocrity while those in the rat race don’t even have the time to enjoy their own.
Ms. Mediocre, Cyberhugs to you and to all.